Personally impersonal

Let me clarify something that I have told some of you. I have been asked several times if my care is 'personal'. My response has always been negative and my wife pointed out to me that she thought I was not answering the correct question. Now, I believe what is meant is, 'are the people who are in charge of your medical care treating you well?' And the answer to that question is absolutely. The nurses are great, the doctors seem knowledgeable and they all seem to care.

The reason for my immediate negative answer to the question, 'is your care personal', is Chemo. Chemo is not personal. It is invasive, it consumes most of your thoughts as it makes its way through your blood stream. The side effects will not let you stop thinking about Chemo. The nausea is almost constant and if you touch anything cold you are reminded of Chemo right away.

But beyond that, Chemotherapy treatment itself is a book treatment not a personal treatment. We went to two different Oncologists at either end of their careers. One fresh out of Residency and one with over 27 years experience and they both said exactly the same thing. "You need 12 treatments of Chemo every two weeks for six months." They said the exact same thing because that is what the Chemo 'book' says. What I may need 'personally' doesn't fit into the equation. Research, from the drug company, has shown that '12 treatments every two weeks for six months' will increase the chances for someone with my kind of cancer to not get it again. Here is where 'personal' treatment takes a holiday. What if I only need 3 treatments??? What if I need 14 treatments??? What if after 4 Chemo treatments the Chemotherapy has accomplished all that it ever will??? These questions cannot be answered. Officially, we do not have the technology to trace cancer cells and therefore cannot give a personal answer to such questions. So we are stuck with the research that the drug companies have done. And the drug companies only do enough research to get their drug approved and accepted. So when it comes to Chemo the treatment is not personal. You get what you get whether it's too much, too little or just right.

If you are praying for me, pray that I can sustain. There is nothing about Chemo that I appreciate. Any benefit is overwhelmed by the side effects and I hate it. I hate everything about it. And Pam really does not need my attitude toward Chemo to carry over into other areas of life.

A new chapter begins tomorrow. Monday I begin working for WCG as an instructor back at the Indianapolis Air Route Traffic Control Center. Should be interesting.

jim


Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden on the Lord,and he will sustain you; ESV