Jim & Pam's Big Adventure

Sing Over Me

2011-10-15T19:59:00.002-04:00

Numbers are still looking good and the next check-up is in two weeks.
I've had this song bouncing around my brain for the last couple of weeks so I thought that I would share it with you. Second Chapter of Acts put it on their Far Away Places album around 1987. Below is a link and below that the words.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_k2Kz2vg8y4&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PLD8F819568BD0BDA1

God is good all the time!!
jim

Sing Over Me
(2nd Chapter of Acts)

Look out my heart the wind is blowing again
It´s time to batten down the broken parts
Look out my heart debris is flying around
Confusion wants to shake your solid ground

Storms may come along and winds may blow
Raging tempest will come and go
But I´ll hide in the shadow of Your wings

I´ll hide in the shadow of Your wings
And listen while You sing
I´ll hide in the shadow of Your wings
And listen while You sing over me

Sing over me (2x)
Sing over me oh Lord, sing over me...

As I´ll hide in the shadow of Your wings
And listen while You sing
I´ll hide in the shadow of Your wings
And listen while You sing over me

Look out my heart
The wind is blowing again...
(read Psalm 91 and Zephaniah 3:17)

An Update

2011-08-27T22:05:00.000-04:00

We saw the Oncologist last week and all the cancer numbers look really good. The DVTs (blood clots) "have resolved", I thought that was an interesting way for them to say that. My arm is well on its way to being completely healed from the bicycle accident. Though I will have little railroad tracks for a while (stitch tracks) and maybe left over blood staining (only time will tell).

It is interesting to me how we learn things in life that we really would not have chosen if given a choice. I would not have signed up for cancer, for the drugs, for the surgeries or the sickness. But most of all, I would not have signed up for the awful ugly stresses and situations that it put my wife through. But it has been a good adventure; a good adventure only because God is a Good God.

I started this blog in response to family and friends. In response to their prayers and cares. This blog has been a record of a faithful God, of trials, prayers and miracles. This will most likely be my last post but we would continue to request your prayers. Prayer that there would be no need for another blog....

God is good all the time!!
jim

Lamentations 3:22-23 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning great is your faithfulness. ESV

You just have to laugh

2011-04-24T21:09:00.004-04:00

Last Tuesday I had to go to the Cancer Center for a Heparin shot. It is an anticoagulant that they shoot into my port. The nurse, seeing my bandaged arm, asked me what happened. So i began to relate the story of the bicycle accident, 'Harry' the hematoma that was going to need surgery the next day and the dumb cough induced rib injury. She starts to chuckle, apologizes but continues to chuckle. I told her it was O.K. because it was all kind of stupid and sometimes you just have to laugh. My story wound down and she told me, "here comes a pinch -- one, two three" and proceeded to inject the needle into the port. I meant to ask her why she thrust the needle at 2 instead of 3 but I never got around to it -- because she missed. She missed the port. now I'm laughing and she is horrified and apologizing. She has to get another 'port pack' and when she comes back she is still apologizing. And I asked her, "did you listen to the story that I just told you?" The stupidity of it all, it only stands to reason that the nurse would miss the port.

The surgery on my arm appears to have gone well except that it looks like a shark bite. He was able to clean out and close the area but it looks like a shark took a bite out of my arm. Now I have to create a story to match.........

God is good all the time!!

jim

Psalm 8:9 O Lord our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Dumb and Dumberer

2011-04-16T21:38:00.008-04:00

Sometimes things that happen are painful but so stupid that you just have to laugh. Well there was the whole bicycle accident on March 16th. In the mean time Pam has had an awful bronchial virus, that she is still fighting. I don't know if I caught it from her or if it was just my turn but I started coughing. And last Wednesday I coughed so hard that they think I tore the cartilage that attaches the ribs to the sternum. Which would mean that I have a rib or two out of place. It was all probably weakened by the March 16th fall but it all just left me shaking my head (and trying very hard not to cough).
The hematoma on my left arm apparently needs to be worked on. It has quite the nasty 'old dead black skin' covering. The plastic surgeon will remove that, clean it out and try to stitch it closed on Wednesday.
Please pray that Pam gets well, it's been two weeks, and that the surgery goes well.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 139:13-14 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. ESV

Multi-racial

2011-03-22T19:06:00.002-04:00

So the bruises from the bicycle accident keep growing. A friend from work called to check to see if I was up and about. I told him that I was multi-racial all by myself. (Keep in mind that I'm still on pain medication....;o) My arm alone is black, red, yellow, pink, brown and purple. I'm not sure what people group purple might represent but its there.
My left arm is now bruised all the way from the left pectoral muscle through the arm pit and down to the palm of my left hand. It's quite colorful. The pain in my chest muscles and around the nasty hematoma has kept me on pain meds. But I'm not pushing the 'every 4 hour' limit like I did at first. I will see our family doctor again on Thursday.
A very good friend of ours is having fairly serious eye surgery tomorrow. Would you please be in prayer for Kim?? Thank you.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 8:1 O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens. KJV

What does it mean when.............

2011-03-18T22:40:00.003-04:00

What does it mean when your handlebars go one way and your tire goes another? I'll answer that in just a second.
It occurred to me, as I sat down here to type, that this blog has been mostly about my health or lack thereof. I told God yesterday that I would really prefer that ill health not become my new normal. When one goes through a lengthy health issue and after a few years there appears a 'light at the end of the tunnel'; that one usually hopes that things will just get back to 'normal'. But it is really hard to remember what 'normal' was and what to hope 'normal' will become. (Don't you love it when I wax philosophical....:o) (Uh, keep in mind that I'm on pain medication.)
Pam bought me a new bicycle for Christmas. A classic Schwinn bicycle. Upright handlebars, fat seat and coaster brakes. It looked really neat as it sat in the garage, a shiny bright blue, just waiting for a warm enough day for a test ride. Wednesday was that day. I got the smoker cleaned out and put away. Pam fixed Reuben sandwiches for supper. I had prepped the bikes a couple of weeks ago, so I checked the tires and everything looked ready. We ate the sandwiches, cleaned up the dishes and headed outdoors. I was first to the garage and headed down the hill of our front yard. It did not take long for me to discover that when the handlebars go one way and the tire goes the other chances are really good that you will end up on the ground. Or in my case on the sidewalk. I thought that the handlebars were tight and correctly in place. Apparently I assumed incorrectly. It pretty much took out my left side. Left knee, left elbow, left hand, left shoulder and left side of my head. Problem -- when you are on Coumadin you bleed really well. All of the above parts were bleeding except the shoulder.
We got the bleeding under control and headed to the ER to make sure that nothing was broken. (Bonus -- when you are on Coumadin and bleeding the ER nurse moves you to the front of the line.) And, to make a long blog shorter, nothing was broken. But I was left with a very impressive hematoma (no - this dude is way too impressive to be called a bruise). When two doctors look at your injury, suck wind and say, "ooh, that looks nasty". Then you can trust that it looks nasty. I don't think that I have ever had such a variety of color ranging from red to purple to black.
Surgery was considered to drain the blood because it swelled to about the size of a pear but after a day the swelling seems to be going down. And very few right minded surgeons want the challenge of opening a pocket of blood on someone who has been on Coumadin for any length of time.
Anyway, I would appreciate prayer: 1) that I won't be such a bone-head and I'll check all the parts next time and 2) that the pain and swelling will subside soon.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 113:2-3 Blessed be the name of the Lord from this time forth and forevermore! From the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the Lord is to be praised! ESV

Groundhog Day Eve 2011

2011-02-01T15:58:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is Groundhog Day. I'm pretty sure that there won't be any Indiana groundhogs climbing out of their holes to look for a shadow. Most of their holes are going to be iced over.
My last check up was this past Tuesday. All the numbers are just where they are supposed to be or better. We are praising God for good news!!
We created this blog in 2008 to communicate everything that was going on with the challenges that Pam and I were facing, and as a forum to ask for prayer. There have been many adventures over the past 3 1/2 years. Many of you prayed and God answered those prayers. There are no words to tell you how much we have appreciated each of you who has gone before the Throne of God on our behalf. Thank you very very much!!!
We go forward trusting that the cancer is gone and will not return. At this point in my care, I will see the Oncologist every six months to follow up and do blood tests. Either later this summer or next fall we will probably do another scan.

So I will update this blog every month or so; or whenever there is news.

Please keep praying. Pam's mom is continuing down the Alzheimer's road. (She was really confused yesterday.) And we would really like the cancer to not return. We are leading a new Small Group whose main focus is a Biblical marriage. So there are many ways that you can pray for us and we really appreciate you taking the time to pray.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Colossians 4:3 Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, ESV

Happy New Year - 2011

2011-01-01T15:06:00.003-05:00

We are glad to have 2010, 2009, 2008 and 2007 (:O) in our rear view mirror. And we pray that we are done with cancer, surgery and chemo. I don't think that we will ever look at 'normal' the same way that we did before cancer. In 2011 we would like to deal with those 'normal' complaints like "I need to lose weight" or "there aren't enough hours in the day".
The cancer followup will continue for a few years. 2011 begins Pam's fourth year of followup and the end of January will officially begin my first year of followup. The next blood draw will be on the 18th with the followup being the 25th.
May God bless you this year as your knowledge of Him grows!!
God is good all the time!!
jim

Proverbs 1:7 The reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord is the beginning and the principal and choice part of knowledge [its starting point and its essence]; but fools despise skillful and godly Wisdom, instruction, and discipline. AMP

This year's Christmas Letter

2010-12-24T12:06:00.002-05:00

Christmas 2010
Merry Christmas Family & Friends,
Pam & I were going to skip the Christmas cards and obligatory ‘Christmas’ letter this year but our cancer news has been too good not to update everyone who prayed. So I’ll get to that first. Chemo ended on January 26th and all following updates looked good. But the really good news came in November when the blood tests and CT scan were all clean. NO CANCER!! Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!!!! All of you who took the time to pray – THANK-YOU!!
June brought good news when Anna married Donny Connelly. They had a really nice wedding at Radiant Christian Life Church followed by a picturesque reception in Forest Park. Donny has been a wonderful addition to the family. (In fact, we feel like our kids have all been blessed with wonderful mates.) Donny & Anna went to the Dominican Republic for their honeymoon. They had a memorable time followed by a few weeks that they’d like to forget. Anna brought a parasite back from D.R. and spent a few weeks giving Donny practice at being a nurse.
Josh & Kellie have just moved into a new home in Avon. They have a condo for sale if anyone is interested…:O) This house has nothing but potential and Kellie has a really good eye so we think their new place is going to be wonderful.
Jim, LiaAnn & Maddie have been through a tough time. Jim with surgery on his leg followed by a staff infection. LiaAnn with morning sickness. They seem to do these things together. Leg injuries and morning sickness go hand in hand for these two. Jim is finally able to get around with the assistance of a cane. And LiaAnn seems to be past the morning sickness. This would bring me to the good news. They are expecting our second grandchild in May – a boy. Which gives grandma a reason to buy new ‘boy looking’ stuff. :O)
The news with Pam’s mom is not so good. She fell in September and when the EMS got there she did not remember calling 9-1-1, she didn’t know how she got onto the floor, she didn’t know how long she had been on the floor but she couldn’t get up. So after much consultation Alice was moved to a senior assisted living facility in September. In October the Alzheimer’s had advanced to the point that she needed to be placed in the ‘memory care’ unit. Alzheimer’s is a mean disease. Please keep Alice and Pam in your prayers.
Pam & I are still at Harvest Bible Chapel North Indy and loving it. We have been married for 33 years and with that in mind we will be starting a Small Group in January specifically to study what the Bible has to say about marriage. We would appreciate your prayers. Please keep praying that we will keep cancer in our rearview mirror and God in front of us.
At times 2010 seemed to struggle hour by hour. And at other times it seemed to fly by in weeks or months at a time. But where ever you are right now make your times about Christ.
God is good all the time!!
Merry Christmas!!
Jim & Pam

Isaiah 9:6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. KJV

The Season

2010-12-12T19:38:00.004-05:00

Right after our incredible news in November Pam & I got the flu. The nasty Hamilton County stomach flu. It reminded me of being in the worst of chemo and we praise God for being over the flu and done with chemo.
Pam's mom continues the Alzheimer's struggle and it is so sad. She is in a senior memory care unit that has good people but Alzheimer's is just not nice.
What ever our struggles are they should always point us toward Jesus. Life is about Jesus and our struggles should help us to become more like Christ.
He is the reason for the season. He is the reason for every day. He is reason...
God is good all the time!!
Merry Christmas!!
jim

Acts 17:28 In Him we live and move and have our being

Good good news!!!

2010-11-16T23:00:00.003-05:00

Well we finally got to see the oncologist. Apparently about the time that I was getting my last infusion, Dr. Dugan was having a stroke. He is almost back to 100% but he still is not totally stable on his feet. He went back to work a month sooner than his doctors wanted him to but he enjoys the hunt too much to sit on the sidelines. He pursues cancer like dogs chasing a fox.
Oh, the news -- -- -- -- EVERYTHING looks good. The CT-scan was clean and the blood work showed my CEA numbers at less than .5. Less than point 5 for a colon cancer survivor is borderline miraculous. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!!
Stage 3 colon cancer that moves into the liver is fairly serious. So we will continue to do a blood test every 3 months and a CT-scan every six months. At least into the foreseeable future.
He would like for me to keep the port in for 2 years which would be January of 2012. Hopefully that will be the next and last surgery. :O)

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 105:1-2 Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! Sing to him, sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works! ESV

Updating.........................

2010-11-08T19:00:00.002-05:00

Well, I had hoped to be able to update, both of, you who actually read this blog. Oh well...........
The CT-scan and complete blood workup was done last Tuesday and I was supposed to get the results this Tuesday (tomorrow). So I kept putting off blogging so that I could actually update -- you two. (O.K. I don't really know how many there are who actually read this blog but I can't imagine that there is more than one or two after almost 3 years.) But I digress.
The cancer center called earlier and asked if we could put off the results consultation for one more week due to a scheduling issue. We are going to believe that this is good news because if it was bad news they would most likely have moved the appointment up --- not back.
The news on the Mother-in-law is not good, however. On October 25th Pam got a call from the assisted living place asking if she would come and help get Alice back into the building. (Side story -- Alice has had a 3 foot black plastic rooster, with an 'ankle bracelet' [really a small pull chain] named Fred, that has hung on a wall of whatever residence that she has been in for the last 35 to 40 years.) When Pam arrived Alice had her walker packed with 2 photo albums on the bottom, a health book, pajamas, a pillow and topped off with Fred. And she was headed to Fort Wayne. It would be a hilarious picture if it wasn't so sad.
We found out, later that day, that this wasn't the first time that Alice had tried to run away. We also found out that she had called 9-1-1 again but this time she just asked if the police could "give her a ride".
So Alice is in the 'Reflections' unit. (Read -- doors are locked.) The Alzheimer's Association breaks the disease into 3 stages. Alice has progressed through all of phase one and phase two. She has no short term memory -- we are talking in terms of seconds and nothing longer.
Alzheimer's is a terribly unkind disease to the patient and to the caregiver. Please pray for both Alice and Pam.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 145:8-9 The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made. ESV

The other adventure continues.

2010-10-02T06:50:00.002-04:00

Well it has been an interesting couple of weeks for Alice in Rittenhouse Senior Living. Earlier this week Pam was out and about helping a friend get ready for her daughter's wedding and Alice called. She asked me if I knew where she was, I told her I did and she asked if I would come - pick her up - and take her home. I explained to her that her apartment was her home and we continued in ever decreasing circles until 45 minutes later she was resigned to be "put where ever she needed to be put away". It was sad.
This morning we got a call at 6:00 a.m. from the Indianapolis Fire Department telling us that Alice had called for an ambulance because she couldn't, uh, wee wee. Pam talked to the resident nurse who was very helpful and was going to follow through medically. But the nurse also told us that last night, some time, Alice had also called the police because she was being held against her will. So do we remove her phone?? We hate to do that but........ Alzheimer's is a cruel disease.
We would appreciate your prayers for Alice and for us.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 71:8-9 My mouth is filled with your praise, and with your glory all the day. Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent. ESV

The other adventure.

2010-09-23T22:12:00.003-04:00

In March 2008 my Mother-in-law was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We're pretty sure that she was a couple of years into it by the time the diagnosis was made. We moved Alice down here so that we could be close to her and help take care of her. Pam's desire was to allow her mother to live as independently as she could for as long as she could. Pam worked her butt off to make that happen but we knew that a day would come when Alice would have to move to Assisted Living.
That day was thrust upon us last Thursday. Alice fell. She called her sister, she couldn't remember our number; her sister called Pam but couldn't get through so she called Alice back and told her to call 9-1-1. So when the ambulance arrived Alice couldn't tell them how she got on the floor, how long she had been on the floor and she didn't remember calling 9-1-1.
They found no broken bones but there was a nasty bruise (I'm told) down one side. What they did find was that Alice was no longer able to live alone.
So Alice went from a 2 bedroom, 2 bath condominium with one resident on Thursday to a 1 room 1 bath apartment senior living facility with 57 residents on Saturday. Quite a shock to a normal brain let alone one being attacked by Alzheimer's. There are many reasons why this is best for Alice and for Pam. But best or not it is a hard transition for both of them.
Would you please pray for Alice and Pam as we walk through this new phase of a continued adventure?!?!?!?
God is good all the time!!
jim

Daniel 4:3 How great are his signs, how mighty his wonders! His kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and his dominion endures from generation to generation. ESV

A gift

2010-09-13T21:34:00.002-04:00

Those of you who know me well know that I really like music. All kinds of music from all different time periods. But especially Jesus Music. The music from the mid 60s to the mid 70s that was about Jesus, for Jesus to praise Jesus. Uh, hence the name...
Anyway, I tell you that to tell you this. For the better part of 2009 and 2010 I wake up almost every morning with a song on my mind. Sometimes it will be the same song for a couple of days but usually it is a new (old) song. And it has been such a gift, such a blessing and its been really fun.
Yesterday someone asked my how I could make it through the daily struggle with cancer. Well it just so happened that the song that was in my head on Sunday was 'Sitting at the Feet of Jesus'.

{{Not really a 'Jesus Music' song (time period wise) but exactly Jesus Music - lyrics wise. The lyrics are below and I'll put a link to the Gaither Vocal Band singing it. But the song that was in my head was from a 1971 group called the Young & Free. I think they were sponsored by Campus Crusade for Christ. (and if I was savvy enough I'd attach that version -- -- but I aint)}}

But my answer to how I got through the daily struggle with cancer was just that -- sitting at the feet of Jesus.

Sitting at the Feet of Jesus - (written by someone with the initials J.H.)
Sitting at the feet of Jesus, Oh, what words I hear Him say!
Happy place! so near, so precious! May it find me there each day.
Sitting at the feet of Jesus, I would look upon the past;
For His love has been so gracious, It has won my heart at last.

Sitting at the feet of Jesus, Where can mortal be more blest?
There I lay my sins and sorrows And, when weary, find sweet rest.
Sitting at the feet of Jesus, There I love to weep and pray,
While I from His fullness gather Grace and comfort every day.

Bless me, O my Savior, bless me, As I sit low at Thy feet.
Oh, look down in love upon me; Let me see Thy face so sweet.
Give me, Lord, the mind of Jesus; Make me holy as He is.
May I prove I’ve been with Jesus, Who is all my righteousness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EazRNX_Na7o

God is good all the time!!
jim

Luke 8:35 Then people went out to see what had happened, and they came to Jesus and found the man from whom the demons had gone, sitting at the feet of Jesus, clothed and in his right mind..... ESV

The way it is.

2010-09-11T23:31:00.003-04:00

Apparently it has been too long since my last update. So I apologize to all of you 'first born' types. :O)
I caught a cold, somewhere around August 15 and it took better than 3 weeks to get over the dumb thing. Since I had to go into the Cancer Center for a 'keep the port flowing' shot (Heparin) I asked if my immunities could still be low. And they said, and I quote, "It's possible". (You can't get this deep medical input just anywhere....) So whether my immunities are low or not, it sure seemed like the cold that wouldn't go away.
Most of the people that I have talked to who are dealing with cancer don't want their lives to be defined by cancer. But after walking through cancer it is fair to say that on the other side of cancer you will be a different person.
Today is the anniversary of 9/11, which leads me to ask my brothers and sisters in Christ -- -- -- What have you done to love you enemies??

God is good all the time!!
jim

Luke 6:27-28 "But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you." ESV

The plan.

2010-08-15T22:53:00.003-04:00

We are still celebrating the good numbers from the last check-up but I thought that some of you might be curious about what's next.
The standard American medical approach to post chemo treatment is a very methodical and very cautious program. Pam had cancer in 2007. She had to have surgery but did no chemo or radiation. She still does a twice a year check-up with the oncologists.
Right now I go in once a month just to make sure that the port remains accessible. Then I see the oncologist every 3 months. Before the next oncology appointment I have to do another blood draw and a traceable CT scan. All of that will happen toward the end of October.
Just like in the middle of 'it' we will take it a day at a time.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 68:19 Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. ESV

Good News!!!

2010-08-06T21:51:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry that I didn't post this sooner but it has been a very busy week and we are both very tired. That's the excuse, now onto the news.
We were scheduled to see the Oncologist this past Tuesday. We didn't. We saw the nurse practitioner instead. I think that is because my numbers were really really really good. PRAISE GOD!!!!!!! CEA is what they track and it was so low that it didn't even register. All the NP could tell us was that it was below .5 and that is very good.
So the news on the cancer front is very good. But the news on the Alzheimer's front is not so good. The disease continues to progress in Pam's mom. Earlier this week she went 'for a walk' and the police ended up taking her home. We have really appreciated your prayers concerning the cancer, would you please pray for Alice and for Pam as we try to sort out some very hard pieces to this puzzle.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Prov 15:30 The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, and good news refreshes the bones. ESV

Prayer

2010-07-13T01:18:00.003-04:00

To answer the question before it is asked, I don't know if we are done with cancer. Next month's oncologist appointment will be a big clue. I certainly hope that we are done and would ask that you continue to pray that way.
Over the last couple of years as we have trudged through the swamp of cancer we have asked numerous times for prayer. We have appreciated all of you who have pitched in and helped by fixing a meal or pulling weeds. But there is nothing more active, nothing more alive, nothing more important to a cancer patient than going before the Throne of God on our behalf.
With that in mind would you please pray for Andy's wife who is fighting breast cancer, Debbie's mom who is fighting two cancers and our friend Kim who is having to get chemo in two different places and in two different ways in her battle with cancer.
In the midst of the battle God is good all the time!!
jim

3 John 2 Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul. ESV

Rolling on..........

2010-07-08T21:37:00.002-04:00

This past Sunday, Ruth B. told me to keep writing in the blog because she likes my writing and reading the updates. Oh the pressure............ ;O)
Every month I have to go into the cancer center and get a Heparin shot in the port so that it doesn't close up with clots. Next month, August, I go in for labs and then for a check up with the oncologist to go over lab numbers. Hopefully - prayerfully - those numbers will show that there has been no return of cancer.

Pam & I have been reading Randy Alcorn's latest book If God is Good. So far it has been excellent and I wouldn't expect any less from Alcorn. His books have been very good. He drops a line on us in this book that is worth repeating. This isn't a quote but it's close, 'A faith that will not sustain you through suffering is a faith worth losing'. Whatever you are going through walk through it with Jesus. We were over at a friend's house a couple of weeks ago. They have a miniature poodle named Bruiser. In the middle of petting Bruiser I discovered that which ever side I scratched he would lean into the scratch. So I began alternating back and forth, side to side. And Bruiser's reaction had him swaying back and forth as he leaned into my hand. It was mildly amusing. But on the way home it occurred to me that that is exactly how we should be with our God as we walk through life's hard times. The harder times get the more we should lean into God's hand.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 18:18 They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my support. ESV

A love and hate relationship

2010-06-29T10:25:00.004-04:00

I have said it before and I'll probably say it again several times but you don't realize how brain dead you really were under the influence of chemo until you get several months past chemo. There are, of course, other negatives to chemo.
Diarrhea, vomiting, nausea, weakness, and sucking the life out of you come to mind. But in the long run the benefits outweigh the negatives. The biggest positive being -- -- killing the cancer.
So there is a love/hate relationship with chemo. You hate having to go through all of the junk but it is an amazing feeling when they say, "no more cancer".
My next follow up will be in early August. The last time I did this kind of follow up was in December of 2008 and the news was not good. We are looking forward to the August appointment with the hope that the Doctor will say, "no more cancer".

But regardless, we do not depend on our health for our hope.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 62:5-6 For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. ESV

We survived -- -- -- we think.

2010-06-20T18:20:00.002-04:00

Have you ever reached that point of exhaustion where you're just too tired to sleep?? We had two of those days in a row and we have spent the better part of today catching up by taking several naps.
The wedding and reception were really fun. It was good to see family and old friends. JD's BBQ pulled pork was excellent. The hot dogs were not only fun but really tasty. And the weather was perfect. All week long the forecast had been for temps. in the 90s and storms. Even Saturday morning they were calling for temps in the 90s and storms. But when we arrived at pavilion #1 for the reception the weather was perfect. The sky was clear and beautiful, there was a breeze and it was comfortable even for an old fat man in tux pants. We are thanking God for such a gorgeous day.
Anna was a beautiful bride. And we are very proud of her. She held out until she found a first rate guy. Donny is a fine man and they really are a cute couple.
A special thanks to everyone who helped make June 19, 2010 a special day for Donny & Anna.
Below is the verse that Pam & I had on our invitation 33 1/2 years ago. The verse in context has nothing to do with marriage. But the context of the commitment in the verse has everything to do with marriage.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Ruth 1:16 "Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God" KJV

From patient to nurse

2010-06-14T00:12:00.001-04:00

There are times when I am not a very good patient. If I am in pain and I'm told by the nursing staff that I need to do something, like walking after colon cancer surgery, that causes more pain I can get downright grumpy. Some of you are finding that hard to believe and others are thinking, 'so what's the difference'. Anyway, I tell you that to tell you this -- -- I am a worse nurse than I am a patient.
Pam had to have oral surgery last Tuesday. Nasty stuff where they extracted a tooth, dug at the bone, reconstructed bone and generally man handled the sinus wall. It had to be done because there was infection and it all could have gotten much worse. But the pain has arrived. A throbbing, unending, pain medication doesn't help --- kind of pain. And, on top of that, she is stuck with me for a nurse.
So please pray for Pam that this pain would go away.
We have a fairly important event coming up this weekend (our daughter's wedding) and it would be good for her not to be in pain.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Rev 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. ESV

Catching up - a little

2010-05-31T11:25:00.005-04:00

Last we met the surgeon had just removed the staples. I told my surgeon that I was really depressed. He ask me why. "Did it have something to do with the incision?" "Was something not healing right?" I told him no everything physical was fine except one thing and it had me kind of depressed. He kept getting more and more concerned. It's the cut, the 4" cut. "What about the cut has you depressed??" Well you cut me right at my waist and I won't be able to where my bikini swim trunks all summer. He looked at Pam and rolled his eyes and said, "Thank God". :O)
The laparoscopic incisions are healed and the 4 inch cut is getting there.
Physically it seems as though things are slowly but surely getting closer to normal. I do not for a minute expect to ever return to 'normal', whatever that is. After numerous surgeries in the last 2 1/2 years I think my body will search for a new normal.
Spiritually and emotionally we will never be the same. And that's probably a good thing.
God is good all the time!!
jim

2 Corinthians 5:17-18 When someone becomes a Christian, he becomes a brand new person inside. He is not the same anymore. A new life has begun! All these new things are from God who brought us back to himself through what Christ Jesus did. And God has given us the privilege of urging everyone to come into his favor and be reconciled to him. TLB

Revolving doors

2010-05-18T19:13:00.002-04:00

Community North Professional Building #7250 has a revolving door. It's an interesting contraption because it's automatic and it has a sensor so when a pedestrian approaches it begins to move. You can't go too slow and you can't go too fast but you will go one way or another. It is a pretty good analogy of being caught in the middle of some continuing health issue. The wheels are usually already in motion by the time you arrive and once in the middle of it - you will move. One way or another, you will move. You can't go too fast and you can't go too slow but the medical community will see to it that you move.
So the surgeon pulled the staples, yesterday. And today I'm feeling a bit like a pin cushion. There is swelling and an interesting knot in the middle of the swelling but this too should pass.
Thanking God that there was no cancer!!!
God is good all the time!!
jim

Revelation 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. ESV

And now, on to a wedding

2010-05-13T17:26:00.003-04:00

Pam was counting the other day and said that since March of 2008 I had been under general anesthesia at least 8 times. Hopefully we are done with any more surgeries. Last Thursday, Dr. Berfhoff went in to look at the mass. It was too large to remove it through one of the laparoscopic incisions so he had to make about a 4 inch cut. So for the first few days afterwards when ever I was asked how I felt I said, "like I've been cut". It has taken most of the week to get to a point where I don't need pain pills. Percocet this time around. But this too shall pass...
But the good news is that there was no cancer in the mass. NO CANCER!! PRAISE GOD!!! High fives, Praise God and hugs all around. We finally feel like there might be an end in sight.
And now -- -- -- on to a wedding.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Revelation 7:12 Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might be to our God forever and ever! Amen. ESV

An update to the update to the........

2010-05-05T21:56:00.003-04:00

Well we went to see the Cardiologist and apparently the Anesthesiologist had a valid argument. The EKG did show something odd but I did a stress echo-cardiogram and everything is fine. Praise God! So the Anesthesiologist was probably correct in calling a time-out on the surgery on Tuesday with the information that he had available.
Ever talk to one of those people who won't look you in the eye and tries to impress you with big words. That was the Anesthesiologist and he won't be that for me next time.
Anyway, surgery has been rescheduled for today at noon. The surgeon seemed genuinely frustrated for the delay and I'm sure that he is making room in his schedule. This is my second advertisement for him but if you need a general surgeon, Keenan Berghoff is a good cutter and a good guy.
So surgery is less than 12 hours away. Please pray that the mass is not cancerous. And thank-you again to all of you who are taking the time to lift up my health before the throne of God.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. ESV

"Slowly I turn, step by step...."

2010-05-04T16:55:00.002-04:00

Do you remember that routine?? Don't say that word; what word; that word that makes you crazy; what word; you know _________. The word is different for each routine whether it's Vaudeville, The Three Stooges, Abbot & Costello, or Lucy. But the answer is the same, "slowly I turn, step by step" and then you either get hit, poked, slapped or a pie in the face. (Here is a link to Lucy's if you care to watch it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCbXl-BR-9U&feature=related )
Anyway, that's the way I felt today when the Anesthesiologist said that we need to cancel the surgery. And then again when he said that it was elective surgery.
When did they start calling cancer surgery - 'elective'. O.K. we don't know if it is cancer or not -- this time. But I digress. So I get to see a Cardiologist tomorrow to make sure that everything is okey dokey. The surgeon expects everything to be just fine and we will reschedule surgery asap.
This was definitely not a surprise to God but it did catch me a little off guard.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. NIV

He's just full of gas

2010-05-01T15:28:00.002-04:00

We saw the surgeon yesterday. Tuesday at 3:00 p.m. he will do a laparoscopic procedure and take a 'look see' around the mass. If it can be removed, without doing extensive damage, he will remove it. If it can't be removed, for what ever reason, then he will take enough to have it biopsied.
I wonder if they use leaded or unleaded gas?? (If you don't understand the question then you need to look up laparoscopy.:O)
Please pray that it's not cancer.
I've used the verses below several times before but they are important to us.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Lamentations 3:22-23 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

It's like déjà vu all over again, again

2010-04-28T22:25:00.004-04:00

It sure seems like we've been here before. It looks the same, it sounds the same and it even smells the same. Where are we?? We are going to see the surgeon tomorrow about having a mass removed. (And I aint even Catholic. -- -- -- sorry:O) So it's like déjà vu all over again, again and yet again.
The mass in question is somewhere under my bellybutton. Last year it was 10 cm by about 2 cm and this year it is about 5 cm by 2 cm. So it's not very big but it sure has caused a lot of concern. The Oncologist argued, out loud, with himself the possible indications that it could be cancer vs. it not being cancer. It was interesting to listen to but nobody won.
Only the One who cares the most knows for sure and it's no surprise to him.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 103:11-14 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. ESV

Where's the fat lady.

2010-04-27T20:00:00.002-04:00

They used to say that "it aint over till the fat lady sings". We thought that we heard her warming up her pipes but we were wrong.
We went back for the follow-up to the follow-up for news about the last P.E.T. scan and it wasn't good news. It wasn't bad news but it weren't good neither. They found another mass and they aren't sure what it is. Last year the PET scan showed this mass but it came out PET negative. This year the mass is smaller but it came out very PET positive. No one seems to know for sure exactly what it all means. But the bottom line is that they, at least 4 doctors, agree that it ought to come out and fast.
We left the Oncologist's office about 6:00 p.m. after he had spoken with the surgeon. The same surgeon that I had for the colon cancer in March 2008. The surgeon is supposed to call us tomorrow.
That is all we know right now except -- regardless -->> God is good all the time!!
jim

Isaiah 12:2 "Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation."ESV

And now for something with a twist

2010-04-23T22:04:00.003-04:00

So I had gone to our family doctor, back in February, because my lower legs were swelling. We tried the normal drugs and nothing seemed to make a difference. Our family doctor and my Oncologist were both convinced that it could not be a clot. I did not have the symptoms for it to be a clot. But my doctor had me do an Echo-cardiogram and a Doppler Flow test anyway, this past Wednesday. The Echo came back normal, the Doppler not so much. They found two clots in my left leg. Deep Vein Thrombosis. DVTs. So the Imaging Center wouldn't let me go home. They sent me straight to the hospital. After the initial vitals and mini physical they started me on blood thinners. I was only in the hospital for one night but it always feels longer.
They sent me home with blood thinner shots to give myself and a blood thinner to take orally. I have two more shots and the pills will last somewhere between 3 and 6 months. (The shots are immediate and the pills take about 5 days to get into the system.) I also get to visit an Anti-Coagulation Clinic every couple of days to check the clotting factor in my blood.
So the medical adventures continue. But God is good all the time!!
jim

1 John 1:7-10 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. ESV

No news is no news

2010-04-20T21:43:00.002-04:00

We saw the Oncologist, today, in hopes of finding out what they saw on the P.E.T. CT scan. Well they saw something but the doctor isn't sure what. The Radiologist that read the scan wrote a report that confused my Oncologist. So my Oncologist is going to have a 'look see' at the actual pictures and discuss them with said Radiologist. Until that time all we know for sure is that we don't know anything about the scan for sure.
They did say that my CEA numbers from the blood test looked good. So that's a good thing.
The comment was made, "so there goes your peace of mind for another week".
Thankfully my peace is not rooted in my health and/or the lack thereof.

God is good all the time!!
jim

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. ESV

And on it goes........

2010-04-12T20:20:00.005-04:00

We have kicked back into medical mode. Friday is my first follow-up P.E.T CT scan. Next Tuesday I see the Oncologist to discuss the results. Next Wednesday I go in for an Echocardiogram in the morning and in the afternoon a Doppler Flow test. The last two are to try and figure out why my legs are swelling.

Please pray that we are done with cancer.

I have not posted a picture of our granddaughter in quite a while. Here is proof that she is the cutest ever. It was Easter and she was 'hunting' for eggs.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalm 119:49 Never forget your promises to me your servant, for they are my only hope. They give me strength in all my troubles; how they refresh and revive me! TLB

Easter

2010-04-03T21:22:00.003-04:00

Health wise things are mostly improving -- slowly. I'm trying to ween myself off of one of the last two drugs left over from chemo. And we have no new news about where my numbers are right now.
Tomorrow is Easter. There is no more powerful demonstration of God's love than Jesus choosing a horrendous death as a sacrifice for you and me. And there is no more significant example of God's power than Jesus conquering the grave and rising again. The Confucius, Buddha, Mohammad and every other person who has died is still in the grave.
I heard a wonderful sermon, several years ago, that went something like --- "it's Friday, but Sunday's comin' ". Jesus died on Friday but Sunday was comin'. And when Sunday came He conquered death and rose again. Last year at this time for me it was Friday but Sunday was comin'. You may be in an ugly time in your life but just remember --- it's Friday but Sunday's comin'.
In 1986 Billy Crockett did an album called surprises in disguises. One of my favorite songs off of that album is called Portrait of Love. It is a wonderful melody and lyric (mostly from I Corinthians 13) describing God's love. Here is a link to him singing it live, several years ago. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwWmS377Ukw

God is good all the time!!
jim

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. KJV

Nobody knows me like you.

2010-03-28T21:50:00.003-04:00

It has been a while and I need to update those who may care. I'm sorry that I have not done a better job of keeping this blog updated. Lately, I have been enjoying things that I haven't enjoyed for more than a year and it has distracted me from some things -- -- the blog being one of them.
My hands are pretty much healed. I can make a fist with both hands and it isn't painful, praise God. My face is clear of the acne type spots but my neck and torso are still covered. There are a few other issues but I am getting better with each passing day.
Of course we don't know what tomorrow may bring but we are confident that Jesus will walk with us through all of our tomorrows. There was a song written in 1981 by Benny Hester that I thought of many times in 2009. It is called Nobody Knows Me Like You and I have applied the words to Christ and to Pam in several situations during this cancer battle. Part of the chorus is "Nobody knows me like you, You put your arms around me and bring me through". In all truthfulness, if you removed either one of those from the equation (Jesus or Pam) I don't believe that I would be here today. Here is the YouTube link with the song and lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nl39O8fPcPI

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalm 139:1-4
O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up;you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue,behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. ESV

No news

2010-03-11T14:37:00.003-05:00

Tuesday was my first 'after chemo' check-up. Well it wasn't really a check-up just a blood test. Several folks have asked if I've heard any news and the answer is 'no'. But I think in this case no news is good news. I don't expect to hear anything unless there is bad news. The next step is a P.E.T. CT scan on April 16th then see the Oncologist on April 20th with another blood test. We will discuss the scan and blood test at that time.
It's almost baseball season so I shouldn't have been surprised to be thrown a curve. My legs swelled up to about twice their normal size about three weeks ago. The doctor tells me that it could be a number of things including chemo leftovers. So I'm on a diuretic and an antibiotic for the next week to ten days. Ah, but this too shall pass -- hopefully.

God is good all the time!!
jim

In Matthew 24:35 Jesus said "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away." ESV

Making a fist

2010-03-07T16:08:00.002-05:00

Because of all of the splits, bleeding and cracks all over my hands it has been a long time since I have been able to make a fist. For months if I made a fist first it hurt and then it bled. Well I can report that I can make a firm fist with my right hand and it don't hurt nor bleed. My left hand still hurts to make a fist but at least it doesn't bleed.
My feet are another issue. The splitting and cracking has moved from my heels to my toes. But this too shall pass.
The healing is coming a day at a time. I am better today than I was yesterday.
Tuesday is my first 'after they stopped the chemo' check-up. Hopefully everything will be where it's supposed to be -- -- -- that would be my prayer request.

God is good all the time!!
jim

John 1:1-3 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. ESV

Normal??

2010-02-21T16:12:00.003-05:00

A frequent question, the last couple of weeks, is, "so are you back to normal?". The short answer is 'no'. The long answer is that it takes months, maybe even years, for the chemo chemicals to work its way out of your system. And some of the damage done by the chemicals may never get back to 'normal'. They gave me a drug in 2008 that left my finger tips and toes numb. The fingers, numbness wise, are pretty much back to normal. But the toes are still in and out of varying degrees of numbness (neuropathy).
The side-effects that I have been dealing with for the last few months persist. Hopefully, they will go away quickly. But God has been faithful and nothing that we have had to deal with has been beyond what we could bear. There were times that I was not sure that I was going to hold up but we did. And hopefully, prayerfully, we are through the toughest parts.
Our immediate goal is to get through March without needing major surgery. (Starting in 2007, there has been a major surgery every March.)

God is good all the time!!
jim

Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. ESV

Life

2010-02-12T12:14:00.003-05:00

I did it again. I have waited too long to post and now I have more to say than should be allowed in one post. So I will try and edit myself and keep this to a reasonable length.
The side-effects continue, hands and feet split bleeding and painful. The rash on the upper half of my body is still there and the fatigue shows its ugly head once in a while but, thankfully, not as often as before. I'm still taking 4 pills a day to keep other things in control.

A friend asked me yesterday why I chose to go through the surgeries and all the chemo treatments. After all, I have a hope and a faith that what lies beyond this life is far better. The short, Reader's Digest, answer is that life is a gift from God and I have a responsibility to be a good steward of this gift. But just as important to me is Pam. As long as I have a choice I will choose to stay with her. So where there is a choice it is Jesus first and Pam a very close second. Given the choice of not going through the medical treatments and dying (a painful death) or enduring the medical to stay with my wife was a no brainer.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Hebrews 13:5 Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."ESV

It's been a year.

2010-01-31T20:24:00.001-05:00

It's been a year since we started chemo, again and at times it seemed like ten years. At other times it seemed to pass fairly quickly. This past Tuesday was my last 'chemo' treatment and now I'm into follow-up mode. So it will be six weeks before I go back and it's going to be a little strange not going to the Cancer Center every week.
Pam and I went to see another movie. This time it was Jackie Chan in The Spy Next Door. Not great but at least it was clean. Probably a good "made for TV" movie but not a 'we're actually going to pay for this' kind of movie. Anyway, we got our normal buttered and salted bag of popcorn. And thanks to my wife's functioning brain (as opposed to mine) I took along a plastic glove to use. It was great, for me, I was able to eat salted popcorn without pain. For those who may not know my hands have splits and openings all over them because of the drugs they've been giving me and popcorn has been a painful experience. The other side of the coin is this.....Pam and I were the only ones in the theater. But where I sat it looked like 10 people were eating popcorn or more accurately missing their mouths. So I had no pain but apparently the gloves messed with my aim or with what I could hold on to.
Remember, everyday is a gift. How would our days be different if we acted like everyday was a gift?!?!
God is good all the time!!
jim

Romans 12:1 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life - and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. (THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language)

Fifty one weeks down.

2010-01-19T19:57:00.003-05:00

Fifty one weeks down and one to go. Next Tuesday is my last 'chemo' treatment and I am really ready to be done. My hands hurt from all the cracks and openings caused by the drug. I have about 20 on each hand. My face, chest and back are all broke out but it's a step up from acne. Also caused by the drug. The fatigue comes in waves and it is a constant battle to keep the diarrhea in check. I'm not meaning to complain just reporting that I am tired of it all and ready to be done. This has been a two year adventure for me and I really sympathize with those folks whose battles have been or are going on longer.
There is good news. The numbers from my last blood test look really good. Hopefully, prayerfully, they will stay that way.
Except for the 3 weeks they gave me to recover after liver surgery, I have been in a medical facility every week for a year. I am looking forward to six weeks of freedom.
One more treatment. The end of the tunnel is just around the bend.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 42:1-2 As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. ESV

Fifty weeks down...

2010-01-12T18:59:00.003-05:00

Fifty weeks down and two to go. We will do two more weeks of 'chemo' and then we are done with the chemicals. Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!!! So on January 27th don't be surprised if you hear someone screaming with joy from his rooftop. I might even put on a red suit and see if I can snatch up the neighbors dog to be a reindeer (a month late but I'm pretty sure I won't care). The 26th will be the last treatment but I'm sure that I'll be too weak to get up on the roof. :O) After treatments are done we will do labs every 6 weeks for a few months. In April I will have another P.E.T. CT scan.
I can't see the end of the tunnel but I can see light.

Now we need to nail down a place to have a wedding.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 95:1-2 Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation! Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! ESV

Perspective

2010-01-10T09:29:00.005-05:00

Most cancer patients don't really like what they have to go through in the battle against cancer. The chemicals, the side effects, the radiation, the constant checking of vitals, the continuous flow of doctors and nurses, the endless drain of money for the medical and the questions. Questions can be mind numbing and never ending. Questions from within: will I survive? is this enough? why me? do I have to be this sick? is this pain another cancer? Questions from without (from family & friends); what's next? how are you feeling? what is the doctor saying? will you survive? All good questions and sometimes there are actually answers. But more often than not the questions just lead to more questions. Don't stop being concerned and don't stop asking the questions. Just don't be surprised at the answer.
But having cancer can give an interesting perspective. When you come up against something that has a good chance of taking your life it affects your outlook. Most cancer patients have had to take a good hard look at death and some of the deeper questions. What's next? Am I ready to die? What will it look like when I do die? Will I be missed and/or will it matter that I'm gone? Those things that I have firmly believed to be true, are they? Questions that we tend to ignore until we are faced with the fatal. We probably shouldn't ignore these questions because none of us knows when our number will be called. But our tendency is to ignore the deeper questions.
Taking the time to deal with the deeper questions tends to give us a better (or at least different) perspective. Things that seem to matter in the everyday (someone cutting us off in traffic, someone stealing 'my' parking place, someone cutting in line, someone growling at us, - the list is almost unending) don't really matter in light of the eternal. Oh that we could hold onto that perspective everyday.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Col 3:2 Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ — that's where the action is. See things from his perspective. (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language)

2010 new and old

2010-01-03T20:04:00.003-05:00

So 2010 just started what could possibly be old already?? One incomplete word -- -- chemo. If Mrs. Bender taught me to count correctly I have 4 weeks to go. The end of January will be one year and I will be more than happy to be done with the chemical portion of my treatment. I think that most of you will understand when I say that I was glad to see 2009 in my rear view mirror. Now to get this part done and move on.......
Beyond the year being new, my daughter just became engaged to be married to Donny. If you are their 'friends' you can check their Facebook status. :O)
So we look forward to 2010 being a year of planning, healing, expectations and changes.
God bless you in 2010!!
God is good all the time!!
jim

Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, ESV

Reminiscing

2009-12-29T23:34:00.005-05:00

Tuedays, after the 'chemo' infusion, it usually takes me into the wee morning hours of Wednesday before I can shut it down and sleep. That is due to the steroid that they give me in pre-meds and to the current high powered drug of choice.
Staying up usually finds me on the computer and the internet 'catching up'. Tonight I have been 'catching up' with song writers and singers from the Jesus Movement. Anyone who knows me well knows that there were several singers and song writers from that time period (roughly the mid-60s through the mid-70s) who were influential in my growing relationship with Christ. The Jesus Movement was that time when concerts were more about ministry than about entertainment. What is amazing is how old some of these folks are. Here I am still fairly young and many of the Jesus Movement folks are in their 60s and 70s. I'm not sure how that happened. ;o) Here they are gray haired old farts and I'm a pretty young, uh, um gray haired old fart............. o.k. nevermind.
This is the time of year when we reminisce. If you have cancer and survived then you have wondered, 'why me?'. Why did I survive when _____ didn't? There are several from the Jesus Movement who have passed on. Several very talented people who have gone before. Keith Green, Mark Heard, Rich Mullins and Larry Norman just to name a few. And many close to my age. Beyond that there a number of people who die of cancer, almost everyday, who are younger than me. In the obituaries today there was a 42 year old husband and father who died of cancer on Christmas Eve. Not a very good Christmas present to his kids. I cannot answer the 'why' question. I do not claim to always understand the providence of God. But I am confident that He cares for us beyond our understanding and I am glad to be here.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Romans 11:33 Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! ESV

No Sharper, part 5

2009-12-16T00:26:00.004-05:00

Our pastor referenced a song, this past Sunday, and I somehow feel it's my duty to share this with you. :O) How a song released in 1953 became an 'essential' part of Brian's Christmas I will not soon understand.
I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas is a Christmas novelty song written by John Rox (1902–1957) and performed by Gayla Peevey (10 years old at the time) in 1953. Peevey was a regional child star of the Oklahoma City area. When released nationally by Columbia Records, the song shot to the top of the charts and the city zoo acquired a baby hippo named Matilda. A popular legend holds that this 1953 hit had been recorded as a fund-raiser to bring the city zoo a hippo; but in a 2007 radio interview with Detroit-based WNIC radio station, Peevey clarified that the song was not originally recorded as a fundraiser. Instead, a local promoter picked up on the popularity of the song and Peevey's local roots, and launched a campaign to present her with an actual hippopotamus on Christmas. The campaign succeeded, and she was presented with an actual hippopotamus, which she donated to the city zoo. The hippopotamus lived for nearly 50 years. (that information is from Wikipedia -- so take it for what it's worth.)
I find it interesting that the lyrics are posted on the NIEHS website. The National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences found it necessary to post the words of the song with a midi so you can sing along. I don't know the official reason but it probably has something to do with not being able to get the song out of your head once you put it there. When Brian mentioned the song I remembered hearing it but I couldn't remember the tune. So, not being the sharpest knife in the drawer, I did a search and found it on YouTube. There is a reason that I forgot it. It's a cute little tune but once it gets stuck in your brain it won't go away. I love Brian but if you see me punch him this Sunday, you'll know why. The link is below so that you can share my pain.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtqIM_bPTws

The official word from Dr. Dugan is that we will be continuing the current drug of choice through the end of January. The end of January will be one year. He told me that one of his patients has taken this drug every week for 4 1/2 years. I can't imagine........

God is good all the time!!
jim

Job 40:15 Take a look at the hippopotamus! I made him, too, just as I made you! TLB

Blessings

2009-12-08T23:56:00.003-05:00

When we started this year's cancer battle they gave us booklets on each of the drugs and on chemotherapy in general. When you start a cancer battle there are an awful lot of emotions, thoughts and fears. This was our third time through but it doesn't matter. Whenever you start a new cancer battle you end up processing all of the emotions, thoughts and fears. So I scanned through all of the booklets but I didn't really read them. Most of the chemo info was the same as last year so I didn't spend much time with them. Since the main drug of choice, right now, is Erbitux I thought it would be a good idea if I read through the Erbitux booklet ----- after 11 months. So yesterday I took the time to, finally, read about Erbitux. I hadn't been completely ignorant. I read several on-line articles just not the booklet. What I found was some interesting information -- -- go figure. In clinical trials 1 in 1000 died in an infusion reaction to Erbitux. One in 1570 experienced a fatal lung disorder. Many developed a skin rash, dry skin and fissuring. Several experienced electrolyte depletion, diarrhea, nausea, headache and infection. Some experienced sepsis, renal failure, abdominal pain, fatigue, dyspnea, pulmonary embolus, leukopenia and malaise.
So out of these possibilities I am dealing with diarrhea (it is a balancing act and right now it seems to be in check but it requires constant attention), fatigue - comes and goes, electrolyte depletion (in my case magnesium - they give me an IV bag of mag every Tuesday), the occasional abdominal pain, the skin rash and dry splitting skin.
Considering some of the other possibilities I'm feeling pretty blessed.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 128:1-4 Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways! You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. ESV

Modesty takes a holiday

2009-12-05T16:40:00.002-05:00

Those who have had continued and/or serious medical concerns soon learn that modesty and medicine, very often, are on different sides. Several years ago I required surgery. The surgeon was an older fellow who no longer did the actual cutting but still did a fair amount of teaching. My particular issue concerned the, uh, er, uh we'll just say it concerned the 'dark side of the moon'. The last appointment before surgery the surgeon said, "this is not a common issue. It's not rare but it's not common. Would you mind if my students took a look." Now taking a look meant sticking their fingers, uh, er uh, where the sun don't shine. I thought I would be doing my part for furthering the education of the medical community. But I was surprised to hear six pairs of rubber gloves snapping into place. Six. And each one took their turn. No, modesty and medicine don't often go hand in hand. Just ask any woman who has given birth.....
I say all that to say this. I have been fairly open, in this blog, about what has been going on and with our concerns. Let me assure you, however, that I have stayed away from the really gross and the really disturbing. Some things are best left untouched. I spent a couple of hours, the other day, reading back through the blog and I was surprised at just how much detail that I had left out. And I will continue to leave out many of the details because some of it is just too nasty and disgusting. Every detail is not necessary to relay the need for prayer. And God already knows every detail. After a few medical situations, like the above, we tend to lose some of our modesty. So if I have been too graphic for some of you, I apologize.
For those of us who have had to deal with serious medical conditions we understand when modesty takes a holiday. And after all it is the holiday season. :O)

God is good all the time!!
jim

1 Corinthians 12:21-24 The eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you," nor again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you." On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. ESV

Splitting hairs

2009-12-02T14:57:00.002-05:00

It is interesting how little we notice our pinky fingers until the tip splits. The end of my little finger has split and is bleeding. And I am surprised how much I am knocking it around.
I lost my hair last February. After two chemo treatments all of my hair fell out fairly quickly. When they stopped giving me the high powered chemo drug, in September, my hair started to grow back. When I lost my hair it was a reddish brown color. My beard was a reddish color with splotches of gray. They told me that when my hair came back it could very well be a different color, texture and if it had been straight it might be curly. Enough hair has returned for me to verify that the color has changed. It is now black and gray. I don't have enough hair, yet, to answer the texture question or curly question. I'm not really surprised by the color. My mother and father both had black hair. My father into his fifties and my mother into her sixties before they started going gray. I had to renew my driver's license in October and I had very little hair at the time. In my picture I look pretty much bald. They asked me what I wanted to put down for hair color. Then they told me that 'I don't know' didn't answer the question. So I told them to put down gray. If it doesn't come back gray it will get there eventually.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Proverbs 20:29 The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair. ESV

No sharper part 4

2009-11-29T18:15:00.003-05:00

You would think that someone in their 50s might learn from previous experiences. Not so much. I'm still not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I have somewhere around 30 different places on my hands that have split. Thankfully only a couple on my fingertips. Most of the previous fingertip splits have healed or are close to healing. They will be back because they take turns but for now the tips are good. But there are 30 some other places that have split. Sides of fingers, fronts, 'corners' where fingernails are, and all along the side of each hand. Now I say all of that to say this, we went to another movie yesterday. When I watch a movie I need, it's not a desire - it's a need, buttered and salted popcorn. Need I say more. It wasn't quite a painful as the previous bag of popcorn but it wasn't too far behind. The sad thing is that I didn't even think about it ahead of time. Oh well, I'll blame it on chemo brain.
Two movies in two weeks is almost unheard of for us. But actually being able to do it --- priceless. We went to see The Blind Side and it was a good movie. I wouldn't have minded paying full price for this one.
My hands will heal but they will continue to split until we are done with the current drug of choice. They have told me that when we are done my skin will look much older than my age. Which, in the long run, is a small price to pay if all this works to kill the cancer.
Of course the other side is that after the last three years I feel older than my age. But none of this was a surprise to God.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Mark 9:50 Salt is good, but if the salt has lost its saltiness, how will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another. ESV

Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T09:20:00.002-05:00

We all have much to be thankful for.....family, friends, health, or at least working on getting healthy. A God who is there and who cares. One of my favorite verses is Lamentations 3:22-23 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. We have had to lean on these words several times in the last three years. God's mercies are new every morning and He is always there.
After Pam's cancer battle in 2007 she hung a piece of artwork that says 'Everyday is a Gift'. And it is hung where we see it everyday and it's a reminder to be thankful for simple gifts.
A grateful heart can change your outlook. My wife has a positive attitude 99% of the time and it's contagious. She can find something to be thankful for in almost every situation. Even though she has had to take care of me, her mom and all the work around the house for the better part of the last two years she still has a thankful heart. She is a wonderful example of what Thanksgiving should be about. But it shouldn't be just one day out of 365. We should learn to live everyday with a grateful heart.
We encourage you to be thankful for the simple gifts.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Lamentations 3:22-23 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.

Nothing new under the sun

2009-11-23T14:36:00.002-05:00

To go through the same thing day after day and month after month does tend to get old. And sometimes frustrating. But, as cliche' as it sounds, you do have to take it one day at a time. And sometimes one hour at a time. I have not found any grand purpose in having cancer two years in a row. But this is where we are and with God's help we are walking through it 'one day at a time'.
It appears that the diarrhea is under control. It also appears that I have a choice. I can have diarrhea or acne. The drug that they continue to give me every Tuesday causes acne type sores or blisters all over my body. They gave me an antibiotic to help with the sores but when I take it it messes with my insides and the result is.................diarrhea. Those of you who have been following this blog know that, after what I have been through the past 9 months, I choose acne.
Let me again thank all of you who have and who continue to pray. We really do appreciate you taking the time to go before the throne of God for us.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Proverbs 30:5 Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. ESV

Bad news Good news

2009-11-17T19:17:00.002-05:00

The bad news first. Yesterday the 'big ugly' reared its head again. So I have kicked up my anti-diarrhea prayers and meds.
Today was chemo day and it has really been knocking me for a loop the last few weeks. When I stand up it feels like I'm lifting twice my weight and I aint that strong yet. My brain feels like it is stuck in 2nd gear. Some of you probably think that's normal..... They gave me the H1N1 shot today. Now I've had the seasonal and the not so seasonal flu shot. I really don't want the flu, either kind, in the midst of this adventure.
Now the good news. All my numbers are outstanding!! Liver function, kidney function and all the blood work, except magnesium, look really really good. All the numbers for liver function are normal or better. All the numbers for kidney function are better than normal. And the numbers that they pull from the blood lab work are normal or better. Magnesium is the one number that is low but the drug that they continue to give me sucks away magnesium. So a low mag number is expected.
By the way, have you ever wondered where the phrase 'it is what it is' comes from?? Check out the verse below.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Ecclesiastes 1:9 What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun. ESV
It is what it is....

No sharper

2009-11-14T08:51:00.004-05:00

Last year, in this blog, I pointed out that I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Time and chemo have made me no sharper. It had been quite a while since Pam & I went to a movie. Yesterday we ventured out to see Disney's The Christmas Carol. It was pretty good. I wouldn't take young children because there are scary parts but overall it was pretty good. Well it is a rare occasion that I watch a movie without popcorn. Salted and buttered popcorn. In the last post I mentioned that my fingers take turns splitting and bleeding. Usually on the tips and front of my fingers. Yesterday's bag of popcorn was without a doubt the most painful bag of popcorn that I've ever had. I'm glad that a high IQ is not a requirement to getting well.
For you old farts........those of you my age and older. Speed has not been something that I've had to deal with for a while. This morning I was moving pretty slow. In the midst of my slowness this popped into my head: 'and that's Uncle Joe, he's uh movin' kinda slow at the junction. Petticoat Junction.' That oughta take you back.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 145:8 The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

Other issues

2009-11-12T19:38:00.008-05:00

It has been longer than I intended since my last post.
The Lomotil seems to be working and I haven't had too much trouble with diarrhea. Sometimes I need to take an extra Lomotil but for the most part the big 'D' has been kept in check. It was so bad for so long that I spent a lot of time focusing on it but there are other issues that we have had to deal with.
Fatigue has been and continues to be an issue but it is getting better.
The main drug that they continue to give me attacks the skin. Most of the time I look like a 15 year old with acne everywhere. Right now my chest and back are covered. Erbitux also drys out the skin and I shed. The ends of my fingers split and bleed. They seem to take turns and rotate.

My appetite is back. I'm not sure whether that is a good thing or a bad thing. Thanks to the big 'D', and therefore the chemo, I lost 100 pounds. Somewhere between the fatigue (and therefore not being able to exercise - much) and my appetite I've put 25 back on. We have an elliptical machine and I was able to do about one minute tonight before having to sit down, exhausted.

Well on to more important things...........here is a picture of the cutest granddaughter ever!!

God is good all the time!!

jim

Isaiah 40:30-31 Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. ESV

Rollin' on

2009-10-31T11:18:00.002-04:00

It has been more than a week since the last blog so I thought that I would try and update the adventure. The big 'D' reared its ugly head last Monday. It had been a few weeks free of diarrhea but Monday it showed back up and they put me back on a medicine that I had just stopped. There have been a couple meds that they wanted me to 'ween' myself off of and this was one of them. So we retreated and went back on Lomotil. It seemed to help until last night and I am back in the 'wait and see' game.
My energy level seems to be improving some but in the middle of an activity I don't get signs that I need to slow down. For example, I worked Thursday and Friday. Most days that I go into work I stay for 4 or 5 hours. Friday I stayed for 7 hours and it wasn't until I got home that it became apparent that that was probably too many hours. So we keep taking it slow.

God is good all the time!!
jim

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ESV

Year by year

2009-10-21T19:38:00.002-04:00

It is interesting the way we track things. Our last few years have been marked by cancer. We don't really want to define the years by cancer but it sure has grabbed a lot of our attention. In 2007, Pam had cancer and major surgery in March to remove it all. In 2008, I had colon cancer and had major surgery in March to remove it (a foot of colon and surrounding tissue). In 2009, the colon cancer had moved into the liver and I had major surgery in March to remove most of my liver. The liver is an interesting organ that will regenerate if you don't remove too much. (In a rare two for one deal the surgeon also removed my gall bladder while he was at it.) So our last three years have been spent dealing with cancer for the majority of each year. And our last three months of March have been spent in the hospital having major surgeries. It has been quite the adventure and we have spent a fair amount of time considering whether or not there would be a tomorrow. This year's oncologist walked into the room, the day we were meeting him for the first time, and said, "well if we don't do anything you will die". That really wasn't news to either one of us but was just another occasion to consider whether or not there would be a tomorrow.
None of us really knows if we will have a tomorrow. But we are confident that there is a God who cares, who walks through these times with us and knows the number of our days.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Acts 17:27-28 Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for "'In him we live and move and have our being", ESV

That time of year

2009-10-16T20:06:00.002-04:00

Pam turned a year older yesterday, I do next week and one daughter-in-law does 5 days after that. But most important our granddaughter turns one on the 23rd. She is the picture of perfect cuteness.
Things continue to improve slowly. My energy is up and down but I've had no diarrhea for a month. Praise God!! The drug they continue to give me makes me break out like a 15 year old but it's really just annoying.
I'm working part-time Monday, Thursday and Friday. It feels good to be out of the house and somewhat productive.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. ESV

So it goes

2009-10-07T21:33:00.002-04:00

By Sunday the rockin'-n-rollin' had stopped so I did go to work on Monday. But I only stayed for a half day and I think that will be the pattern for a while. Until I get more strength I will just work four hours and then come home. Right now I intend to work Monday, Thursday and Friday. Tuesday being 'chemo' day and Wednesday a day to recover from Tuesday.
Yesterday was 'chemo' day and the doctor threw me a bone. He said we might just end this treatment after Thanksgiving. My numbers look good and I would be more than willing to be done. So we will see.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 106:1 Praise the Lord! Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! ESV

Oops

2009-10-02T09:52:00.002-04:00

I didn't do 'day two' at work. I'm guessing that there was too much physical activity. We have to climb two flights of stairs to connect to other parts of the building and I was up & down them several times. Then when I got home I was up & down our stairs several times. By the time I headed to bed my insides were rockin' n rollin' and I'm blaming too much physical activity.
It was good to see several of the folks that I'd been working with.....Bob, Barb, Joe, Don, Doug, Miriam, Dick and the list goes on. Hopefully I'll be able the return on Monday.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Lamentations 3:22-23 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ESV

A couple answers to prayer.

2009-10-01T17:21:00.002-04:00

Many of you have been praying and we really appreciate you going before the throne of God on our behalf. So here are a couple of things to praise God for....
1) I have had no diarrhea for the past 3 weeks. The oncologist told me not to be surprised if it showed up again but it hasn't so far.
2) I went to work today for the first time in eight months. I took it easy but I was there for eight hours and seem to be doing just fine. We will see how tomorrow goes.

Thank you again for your prayers.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 111:7 The works of His hands are faithful and just; all His precepts are trustworthy ESV

Getting caught up

2009-09-23T17:01:00.002-04:00

I have been waiting for the news to change and it has, some, so here goes.
In the beginning of chemo they were giving me two drugs and both caused diarrhea. Seven months worth. They told me that my diarrhea was the worst they had ever seen. We are done with one of the drugs and they, medical types, felt that they could get the diarrhea under control just battling one drug. So now I am taking one drug that causes diarrhea and 3 drugs to stop it. For the last two weeks it appears that the 3 drugs are winning. Bless God!! I have actually been able to leave the house (read: move farther away from the toilet).
Also, the fatigue seems to be getting better but I'm having to take it slow. I got to feeling pretty good last week so I trimmed the grass around the fence. That wore me out for two days.
So things are improving ---- slowly.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 25:10 All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. ESV

Treatments continue

2009-09-07T20:11:00.002-04:00

My treatments will continue to the end of the year. I'm done with the chemo drug but will continue with the other drug that targets my particular cancer. It is technically not a chemo drug. They did a genetic break down of my cancer and this drug, Erbitux, attacks the foundation on which my cancer builds.
Hopefully the farther I get away from the chemo drug the better my system will act. It would be great to get to a point where I could return to work.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

And so it goes.

2009-08-31T14:24:00.002-04:00

It has been a couple of weeks since I last posted. I have hesitated to post because things have remained the same. I'm still fighting industrial strength diarrhea. I take 3 different drugs in the battle against diarrhea in addition to a 4th drug they give me at the Cancer Center through the IV. The fatigue and nausea are not as bad, so that's a good thing.
I look forward to getting beyond these side effects and going back to work.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 19:14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, Oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Same old.....

2009-08-15T12:15:00.002-04:00

Everything is the same except for the news. Tuesday will be my last Chemo drug day. They are going to give me one more of the chemo drug and several more of the other drug.
I am still battling diarrhea, nausea and fatigue.

But God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 34:8 Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! ESV

C Day

2009-08-04T20:06:00.002-04:00

Today was Chemo day and they gave me an almost full load. They gave me a lower dosage of one drug because my white count is a tad low. Potassium and magnesium were also low so the gave me an IV of each.
No sooner did I get home and the big D started up again. One of the side effects of the main chemo drug is diarrhea so it was no surprise. But it wasn't a welcome surprise. At least we're closer to the end, so to speak.

God is good all the time!! Sometimes we forget that God is God all the time. No time-outs, no sleeping, no vacation. At no time does God stop being God.

jim

Revelation 1:8 "I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty." ESV

So it goes......

2009-07-29T15:36:00.003-04:00

Chemo day was yesterday and running to the bathroom follows in full force. The high powered anti-diarrhea drugs that they have given me don't seem to touch it. So it goes.... In the big picture, if the chemo drugs kill the cancer then I guess running to the bathroom is a small price to pay. And it looks like the chemo drugs are being effective. CEA numbers to trace my kind of cancer normal range is .5 - 2.5. My last labs showed that my CEA was less than .5.
Well, gotta run.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 23:6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. ESV

Back in chemo land.

2009-07-22T20:40:00.019-04:00

So they gave me the 'full meal deal' yesterday. All the drugs that I would normally get every other week they gave me yesterday. So I'm typing this with chemo brain and nausea.

Thank goodness for Health Insurance. The cost of the 'full meal deal' is in excess of $60,000. Now Blue Cross doesn't pay that much but that's what they are billed.

Our granddaughter is mobile and fairly quick. Here is a picture to prove that she is really really cute.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Proverbs 17:6 Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers. ESV

Kicked up a notch.

2009-07-13T20:47:00.004-04:00

The battle with diarrhea got 'kicked up a notch' today. The cancer center was full so I spent five hours at Community North Hospital getting fluids and drugs. Fluids to help with dehydration and drugs aimed at the diarrhea. Hopefully this will be time well spent and get me on the positive side of this battle. They are giving me two weeks off chemo to help in the battle so I won't be going in for chemo until next Tuesday.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 140:7 O Lord, my Lord, the strength of my salvation, you have covered my head in the day of battle. ESV

A break in the action.

2009-07-09T16:58:00.003-04:00

There has been a buzz about my side effects and the depth of my battle with them. So in an effort to get back on the good side of life the doctor is not going to give me chemo for two weeks. Please pray that in that time my body will indeed return to the healthy side of the diarrhea battle.
My sister and brother-in-law were down for a visit this past weekend. It was really good to see them and get caught up.

Thank you for your prayers!!
God is good all the time!!
jim

Phillipians 4:13-14 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble. ESV

It's baaaaaaccccckkkkk

2009-06-23T19:38:00.002-04:00

Somehow I find it troubling that I am using the internet to discuss my bathroom habits and yet..... The industrial strength diarrhea has returned, so as indelicate as it may be please put it back on your prayer list that we get it under control. When it is in high gear it is disabling on several levels. On a positive note they gave me a high powered IV today that is supposed to help. The cancer group changed my chemo day to Tuesday because the doctor changed his clinic day to Tuesday.
Tuesday won't seem too odd because I have been going to the clinic an extra day a week anyway. Because of the above I have been dehydrated therefore I spend an extra day at the clinic to get an IV of fluids. So today being Tuesday, I'm typing this with 'chemo brain'.

Pam & I just finished a DVD series called Turning Your Trials to Gold by James MacDonald. If you are going through a tough time we highly recommend this teaching.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Job 23:10 But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold. ESV

It's been a while, part 2

2009-06-14T20:51:00.002-04:00

My white blood count continues to be on the lower end of measure. The result is that if it is too low they will not give me the chemo drug. Which is to say that on the 5th I did not get the chemo drug but I did get it on the 12th. So far, bless God, the diarrhea and the nausea seem to be under control. The fatigue, however, is another story. I went to church and then to a wedding. Sitting is the main event at both and yet when the wedding ceremony was over I was shot. We did not stay for the reception. We brought me home and I slept the rest of the day.
So if I'm still on your prayer list please pray that the diarrhea and nausea continue to be controlled and that the fatigue will ease up.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 91:1-2 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." ESV

It's been a while

2009-06-03T17:33:00.002-04:00

It has been a while since my last post. The battle continues. Diarrhea is an ongoing battle and nausea is an every other week battle. I have in my possession quite an arsenal of drugs with which to do battle.
But the news would be that tomorrow I go under the knife to have a port-a-cath installed. It has gotten to the point where it takes the nurses 5 or 6 pokes every time to get the IV needle set. It was painful for the nurses and the port will just make it easier.
Please keep praying.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 100:5 For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations. ESV

2009-05-27T22:30:00.002-04:00

This has been a difficult week for Jim. He has not felt well and has had to stay very still to keep from getting sick. Thursday however, will be wonderful. We will celebrate our thirty-second wedding anniversary! Even if all we do is sit together (very still).
Our marriage has been the best gift that God has given us on this side of heaven. Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine a better husband! Jim is my best friend and I love him dearly. It seems like only yesterday, I was taking the long way to math class so I could catch a glimpse of him. I don't know where the time went....32 years...WOW...But I am looking forward to the next 32 years with my prince charming!
I am so thankful to the King of Kings for my prince charming!

James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. ESV

Telling time

2009-05-18T20:36:00.003-04:00

I'm beginning to wonder if those in the medical world who deal in cancer can tell time. As you know, from the previous blogs, I have been dealing with diarrhea. Because of this the medical types wanted me to come into the clinic today for intravenous liquids to make sure I didn't dehydrate. I was to show up at 10:00 a.m. for a two hour drip. Which I did. However, 'two hours later' I walked out of the clinic at 4:50 p.m. One thing got added to another thing which had to be added separate and this one had to go first and that one had to go last. In the end there were several drugs added to help with my, uh, battle. Every drug added means more time added and so it goes. Hopefully all of the drugging will be worthwhile and helpful.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 25:1-2 To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, in you I trust; ESV

The battle goes on

2009-05-17T21:29:00.003-04:00

Well the side effects battle continues. Saturday and Sunday turned into diarrhea battle days with me taking close to the limit on meds. Tomorrow I will go into the clinic for intravenous liquids. They are really concerned that I do not get dehydrated. There are also supposed to be stronger drugs that they can give me to help squelch the scoots. Hopefully we can get the diarrhea under control. Having the toilet as a ball-n-chain aint no fun.
The diarrhea affects the whole treatment. They did not feel like they could give me the normal chemo treatment, last Friday, because of the extent of the diarrhea. So that backs everything up another couple of weeks.
Somehow it doesn't seem appropriate to say..........ah, butt this too shall pass. (sorry;o)

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 5:11 But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exult in you. ESV

A pain in the butt

2009-05-14T20:27:00.004-04:00

This week the battle has been diarrhea. Industrial strength diarrhea. They gave me industrial strength meds to help fight the battle butt they aint strong enough and the diarrhea is winning. It is frustrating, draining and after a while I just have to sleep. Sleep is a nice break but my sleep schedule is all messed up. Hopefully they will give me more powerful drugs tomorrow.
Tomorrow is a long appointment. 10 a.m. to probably 4:00 p.m.
Getting the side-effects under control would be HUGE!!! Would you please make that part of your prayer time???

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 24:8 Who is this King of glory? The Lord, strong and mighty, the Lord, mighty in battle! ESV

Slow learner

2009-05-09T08:49:00.002-04:00

Last you heard I had done too much. (So I'm a slow learner.) That rolled into nausea and that rolled into vomiting last Thursday. (Which is why you didn't get anymore blogs, Wendy.) Friday I still had nausea but they gave me intravenous drugs to go with the chemo and they helped to limit it to just nausea and no vomiting. The nausea hung around all day Friday but this morning seems to be better.
The skin rash is back full force to the level of bleeding when I smile or sneeze and to scaring small children. Ah, but this too shall pass..........

Have a Happy Mother's Day!!
God is good all the time!!
jim

Proverbs 23:25 Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice. ESV

Too much

2009-05-03T22:45:00.003-04:00

I did way more than I should have yesterday. Trimmed, mowed and helped the boys bbq. It felt really good. I'm paying for it today, a little, by being really tired. But one can stand to sit for just so long....
For now the side effects seem to be in check, praise God. Hopefully that will continue for the whole week.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 63:3-4 Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. ESV

More Mack

2009-05-01T20:44:00.003-04:00

They were very generous with their chemicals today. I've had pills, injections, IVs and infusions. Prayfully all of the side effects will be kept in check. The result of all of the drugs is I feel like I've been hit by the ever familiar Mack truck.
An old friend, that would be length of friendship - not age cause she ain't 50 yet, complained that she needed more blogging than once a week. I'll see what I can do Wendy but don't hold your breath. (You're close enough to 50 that it could do you harm.:O)
Today has been very long so this is going to be very short.

Have any of you kept all of the Ten Commandments all of the time????
If not, you need Jesus.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. ESV

Mack trucks on the autobahn.

2009-04-24T22:54:00.002-04:00

You ever wonder how fast a Mack truck could go on the autobahn. Up until this very moment neither had I but I have Chemo brain and feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck. It is always an interesting day when I go to get chemicals and today was no exception. My 3 hour appointment went for 6 hours as they chased my lab results with extra drugs to 'balance' things.
The doctor talked with us for probably 45 minutes and we were able to nail some things down and get some things straightened out. I will do the Chemo drug through August 21st and will do the other drug through January. The other drug is erbitux and it is a monoclonal antibody approved to treat this type of cancer. The after surgery pathology report indicates that these two drugs have been successful attacking my cancer.
This group is very aggressive at solving side effects and hopefully I won't have any more weeks like when I was 'worshipping the porcelain god'. They would like to get me to a point where I can function at a fairly normal level. That would be a good thing.

That would be the prayer request. That in the midst of taking Chemo, that I would get to a point of being able to function at something close to normal. We really appreciate all of your prayers and we believe that God is at work.
God is good all the time!!
jim

2 Thessalonians 3:1 Finally, brothers, pray for us, that the word of the Lord may speed ahead and be honored, ESV

Some weeks are just ugly.

2009-04-17T17:34:00.002-04:00

Some weeks are just ugly and this past week is a good example. The nausea started Saturday, increased on Sunday and Monday I was 'worshipping the porcelain god'. Pam called the On-Call nurse and she called in another drug to help the nausea. So I spent the greater part of the week sick and/or sleeping. Pam, again, has been incredible, taking care of all the details in spite of her grouchy patient.

THANK-YOU KENNY!!!!!!! We had a ceiling fan vibrate loose from an inside screw and Kenny Durham came over and made it well. If you need quality electric work done Kenny is your man. Durham Electric in Noblesville. Thanks little brother!!

Did chemo today, the 4 hour one, and after sitting, again, at home for a while I decided to spray for wasps. I almost fell over from fatigue, literally. Had to lean on whatever I could find. Ah, but this too shall pass.

I did not enjoy this past week nor do I understand why I had to endure such a lousy week, but I am still confident that God is good all the time!!

jim

Psalms 57:1-3 Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,for in you my soul takes refuge;in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by. I cry out to God Most High,to God who fulfills his purpose for me. He will send from heaven and save me;he will put to shame him who tramples on me. ESV

Easter

2009-04-11T20:11:00.002-04:00

Our family gathered together this morning to celebrate Easter. It was so wonderful to look around the table and see the faces of our children and their loved ones. Everyone was home. In this busy world it is rare to find all of us in one place. As their families grow, we know these times together will become more precious and harder to pull off. And yet, because of Easter we have eternity together.
In America we seem to have forgotten what Easter is supposed to be about. We have made it about colored eggs, bunnies, baskets, hunting for eggs and candy. When Easter should be about Jesus Christ conquering death and making a way for us to connect with the Father. We have made Easter a religious day but Christ made it a relationship day. Because of His sacrifice He provided a way for us to have a relationship with God.
How about you, is Easter just another religious holiday?? Or have you given your heart to Jesus and do you have a relationship with God??
Just imagine, the time will come when we will gather in heaven, without time constraints or Alzheimer's or cancer. Our time on this earth may be short but we have something much greater to look forward to.

God is good all the time!!
jim & pam

John 3:3 Jesus answered him, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God."
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." ESV

Got it.....

2009-04-04T16:31:00.002-04:00

Since last we visited Pam ventured down the bronchitis trail and I got the coughing and sneezing. We were not a pleasant couple to be around this past week. Pam is on the better side of things but still has a ways to go to be well. I still need to cough occasionally to clear the pipe but think that I'm past the worst.
Tuesday we went in and a rookie Resident removed the staples. That was an interesting and a tad painful experience. I am still having to change a dressing a couple times a day, hopefully this will soon pass. Coughing and sneezing did not help the incision and I think it slowed down the healing process. This whole process reminds me once again of the Christy Lane song written by Kris Kristofferson One Day At A Time, Sweet Jesus.
The Oncologist wants to start the chemicals again this coming Friday. Please pray that I am healed enough by Good Friday to tolerate the chemo.

Thank you for praying!! God is good all the time!!

jim

Revelation 4:8 "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!"ESV

A week at home.

2009-03-28T19:49:00.003-04:00

Today marks one week after leaving the hospital. Have I mentioned that the hospital is no place for a sick person. In ICU it was like every hour they were taking vitals and in the regular room it was every three hours. Neither choice gives you much rest.
It has been good to be home and the recovery continues. They told me that I would swell and they were correct beyond even their expectations. So I am now on a diuretic. Any of you familiar with Lasix?? It draws the fluid from the body and creates exercise at the same time because you are constantly running to the bathroom. Ah, but this too shall pass (literally).
It is still a challenge to get a good night sleep but I'm getting closer each night.

Pam is sick. Probably not a surprise since she wore herself out the week I was in the hospital. Fever, coughing like there is no tomorrow and sleeping a lot. Please pray that she gets over this quickly and that I don't get it. Don't think that coughing would be a good thing with the staples still in. On the other had, shooting a staple across the room might be kind of funny.

We are both getting better one day at a time.
Thank you for your prayers!!
God is good all the time!!
jim

1 Corinthians 2:12 Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. ESV

Slowly I turn step by step...

2009-03-24T21:08:00.002-04:00

Well, I have been out of commission for a while. Pam tried to keep everyone updated on the surgery and hospital stay. She was at the hospital early every morning helping me, watching me sleep, quizzing the doctors and entertaining visitors. Then she would come home update the blog, email and snail mail. By the end of last week she was exhausted. Me too but for a whole different reason. We have taken a few days to lay low and just try to get some energy back.

I'm told by everyone medical that the surgery went extremely well and that my recovery was borderline miraculous. Honestly, it doesn't feel so miraculous. I believe them and I'm thankful because if this is almost miraculous what must normal be like... My lower half is swollen, they told me that would happen, and when I first get up to walk I look like Tim Conway's old man walking. It is nearly impossible to find a comfortable position to sleep in and I'm still taking pain medication to get through the night. I'm not complaining just reporting. I expected these things. What I didn't expect was them to take my gall bladder at the same time and no one can seem to tell me what exactly that means health-wise in the long run.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Matthew 22:32-33 'I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'? He is not God of the dead, but of the living." ESV

There is no place like home!

2009-03-21T10:17:00.004-04:00

We just got home and nothing could feel better than having my sweetie here! The doctors- both surgeon and oncologist were in and said Jim is doing great- much better than most with this type of surgery. God has done this and your prayers have been part of the process. Thank you! He will have three weeks to recover and then chemo will start again. We will do everything we can to heal and enjoy these next 3 weeks. Feel free to stop by for a visit, as spring arrives I expect you will find us sitting on the porch...today we will be napping.

Hab 3:18-19 yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.19 God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's;he makes me tread on my high places.ESV

No Place Like Home

2009-03-20T14:34:00.002-04:00

I am blogging today from the hospital...Tonight I will be getting the house ready to bring Jim home tomorrow (if all goes well today). Jim has only the neck IV and drain left in, he has been walking and today did a flight of stairs! He is off morphine and just on oral pain killers. This morning was a bit rough with some vomitting but after a nap he seems ready to run. His blood pressure has gone from too low to a bit high and we are praying that being home will resolve that. His kidneys are no longer an issue PTL!
I cannot help but marvel at the creators handiwork, These bodies God gave us are so resilient even in the face of offences like cancer and surgery!

We are fearfully and wonderfully made! (10 points to the first post with the reference)

Walking and sleeping

2009-03-19T20:37:00.002-04:00

Today was an exhausting day for Jim. He was up walking twice today along with sitting up and eating real food! All of that activity wore him out and he slept soundly most of the day. They removed his catheter and that improved his spirits. He still has an IV in his neck artery and one in each arm, as well as a surgical drain. They are giving him insulin(belly shots) and checking his blood sugars too. He is not diabetic, but keeping the blood sugars "even" aids in healing. I am sure he feels like a pin cushion! I am hoping for removal of more tethers tomorrow.
Our daughter-in law, Kellie teaches 3rd grade. Her kids made cards for Jim and we had a great time reading their interpretation of James 1: 2-5. What a delight! As one little student wrote-Keep on persevering Mr. Ellis!

James 1:2-5
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. NIV

A Room for Jim

2009-03-18T21:13:00.002-04:00

Today was a sleepy day for Jim. He slept most of the day. His kidney function is improving, but not up to normal yet. They did move him to a nice private quiet room with wonderful nurses! His room number is 7085. This is the oncology floor and the nurses are used to the bald heads and nausea ,the rash and the bad jokes. I think he will improve quickly in this environment. We so appreciate your prayers!

2 Cor 1:8-11
8 For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 10 He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. 11 You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many. ESV

Day Two in ICU

2009-03-17T20:16:00.002-04:00

I am home early tonight. Jim is resting well and I thought I would try and get some sleep too. Doctors say things are looking pretty good. One fly in the ointment is his kidneys- they are not working very well and so he will spend a second night in ICU. The chief resident ( I don't remember his name) explained that kidney failure is common after liver surgery and usually corrects itself with extra IVs, meds and time. His pain level is controlled at about 3 on a 10 scale. He has been sitting up, drinking water and eating jello. His blood pressure has been on the low side and he has been joking with the nurses when he is awake. He is hoping for a regular room tomorrow. The bad thing about ICU is that they don't let you sleep more than an hour at a time and the machines are noisy. Jim says he is ready for a good long nap!

Prov 3:24 If you lie down, you will not be afraid;when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.ESV

The Big Long Day

2009-03-16T20:34:00.002-04:00

Jim's surgery went well. They did not find any surprises tumor-wise. They removed the right lobe of his liver and took the tumor on the left lobe out with a wedge removal. They also found a gallstone and so removed his gallbladder. He is still in surgical recovery waiting for a room in ICU. I only got to see him twice today- he is in a lot of pain, and they are very strict about visits until he is moved into the ICU. I hope to get back to the hospital about 8:00 tomorrow.

I cannot give God enough praise for His help through this time. This has been the most difficult week of our lives, and God's presence has held us every step of the way. This adventure is not over, and we know there are many more hard days ahead, but we are absolutely sure that God will be with us all the way.

It occurs to me that we often state that God is good, and He is. I do feel it necessary to point out that God is Good regardless of the outcome of this adventure. That is to say, God is good. It is His nature, His character. There is nothing bad in Him. Ever. No matter what. He laid down His life for us.

John 10:11-1511 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12 He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. 13 He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheepESV

The wrong side of the knife.

2009-03-15T20:09:00.007-04:00

Tomorrow I go under the knife. Surgery is scheduled for 8:00 a.m. and I would appreciate everyones prayers. I was asked several times at church today if I'm ready and the answer is 'Yes' and 'No'. I'm ready for the surgery. If the anesthesiologist does his/her job correctly, I will be asleep during the surgery and won't mind the perforated goings on too much. If something goes awry (the stoic surgeon said this occurs 1 out of 25 times in this type of surgery [it just occurred to me that I should have asked the surgeon what my number was...1, 2, 15, 22. :o] sorry;o) then it is just a one way ticket to be with Jesus and those who have gone before. If God determines that it's not my time yet then I'll have 'quite a recovery' to work through. I'm a little nervous about the recovery but we'll do what we gotta do.

My good friends came over yesterday and we spent the day smoking. We smoked 10 Boston Butts, 3 briskets, 1 corned beef becoming pastrami, 1 brisket becoming pastrami and a beef tenderloin. Good food and sore muscles. It was a bit like the walking wounded. Doug on crutches, Dave hiding from kidney stones and me with cancer. Here is a picture of the three of us, Dorothy (the smoker) and my bald head.

God is good all the time!!!
jim

Psalms 4:8 In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. ESV

Staying away from chemo

2009-03-09T19:44:00.004-04:00

Staying away from chemo is a good thing. My last chemo was 17 days ago (but who's counting) and the assumption is that by the time the surgery rolls around all will be well with my body. The doctors expect my white count to be back up and that I will be far enough from chemo for those chemicals not to be of any affect.
Seventeen days from the last infusion but fatigue and nausea still show their ugly effects. Not nearly as bad but they sneak up when not expected.

After being stuck in the house for two weeks I went to Church yesterday. It felt really good to get out and share my bald head with friends and family. I really appreciate our Church and especially our pastor Brian White. He teaches with wisdom beyond his years. You can visit the website at http://www.harvestnorthindy.org/ and listen to his last sermon.

Pam & I have said many times over the last couple of years that we expect the surgeon to be really good just once. We appreciate your prayers and would you especially be in prayer on March 16th at 8:00 a.m. when I'm in surgery.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 66:19-20 But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God,because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me! ESV

A vacation from hair.

2009-03-03T15:37:00.003-05:00

My hair had done such a good job at falling out that I gave up and buzzed off what was left. And it wasn't much. I left the mustache, just for grins, but it won't last very long.
So I haven't had chemo in eleven days but the fatigue is still a difficult animal to corral. I got up the gumption to make my own breakfast yesterday and half way through the fatigue hit like a train wreck. I finished breakfast but felt mule kicked the rest of the day.

We have to be at Methodist Hospital at 6:00 a.m. on the 16th. Surgery is scheduled for 8:00 a.m. They said that they plan on at least 3 hours for this surgery. The odd thing is that this will be the most invasive surgery that I have ever had and yet I have to do nothing special to get ready. No special diet, no cleansing, just show up and smile.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Luke 12:7 Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. ESV

Of mice and showers.

2009-02-28T23:13:00.003-05:00

Pam threw me under the bus and it's true that there was a 'mouse' in the shower. Every time I take a shower there are new critters trying to go down the drain. Which is to say that after every shower I have less hair. The top only took two showers to go astray. The sides seem to be taking a little longer. But I don't think it's going to stop at the top of my head. I got hair fallin' out of places that I didn't know I had hair in. (Diagram that sentence Mrs. Malone....)

The liver surgeon was a very serious doctor and he threw some fairly serious numbers at us. The one that keeps rattling around in my head is "we lose 1 patient in every 25" in this type of operation. Thank God the surgeon isn't in charge of the outcome. Other doctors have said that he is one of the best liver surgeons in the state but his sense of humor isn't quite that good. When I said, "so this isn't going to be outpatient surgery", he didn't even grin. When I said, "as long as you got me open how about lyposucking out about 100 pounds", nothin'. Pam & I have, or at least try to have, an eternal perspective which goes a long way towards a sense of humor in these situations. Yes I want to live a very long life but this aint all there is and aint no doctor in charge of how many days I have left. That being said, this is a very invasive operation and I would appreciate all of your prayers for the surgery and for the recovery. Surgery is March 16th at 8:00 a.m. The surgeon wants to wait at least 3 weeks from my last chemo and wants to give my white count a chance to improve.
A break from chemo is a very good thing! Stop by (if you are well) or give me a call, I'm just sitting around waiting for my white count to improve.

God is good all the time!!
jim

James 1:2-3 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. ESV

long long day

2009-02-27T22:30:00.002-05:00

Today we went to Methodist hospital to meet the surgeon. Our appointment was at 9:30. We went back to the exam room around 11:00. Dr Rouch (pronounced row) was very business-like and explained the options and procedure. This is no walk in the park, but it is the best option. Surgery is scheduled for the 16th. Please pray for Jim's white count, it must come up before surgery. After meeting the doc we went to the lab and did all the pre-registering and blood work. By the time we left Methodist it was 1:30! We grabbed a chicken sandwich and headed home to try and process the day. Jim will not be having anymore chemo until he has healed from the surgery- that feels like a relief! He went up to bed early and I expect he will sleep in . We both need God's rest.

Matt 11:28-30 28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." ESV

Fear and Laughter

2009-02-24T11:01:00.002-05:00

Today we had a glimpse of the "healthy Jim". He scared me near to death! I was going to take a shower and asked if he needed anything first...he looked a little disheveled, his normally neatly combed hair was in that messy modern style. Jim told me to go ahead and shower if I wanted but first I would have to remove the dead mouse. I looked into the shower and there was a BIG brown hairy mound! Yes, I jumped and screamed like a girl! By now Jim was laughing, that big infectious laugh....the mouse was his hair. So I guess he's loosing his hair, that explains the messy 'do. For now he is wearing it combed over and a bit modern. I think even the angels were laughing with Jim today!

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine...Proverbs 17:22a

WOW!!!

2009-02-23T08:24:00.002-05:00

That is the word to describe this past Friday, Saturday and Sunday. WOW!! Friday my 3 hour clinic appointment turned into a 6 hour appointment when the lab work showed that my white count was way down. Which gave us a new word, neutropenia. Neutropenia means low white cell count. It also means you have to stay away from crowds, small children, fresh fruits and vegetables because of bacteria and germs.
Several times I have tried to describe the chemically induced fatigue. Well I have another issue that is also chemically induced that I won't try to describe and that is diarrhea. They told me it would happen and they have given me two IVs and a shot to stop it and all I can say is, "WOW". That is how I spent Saturday and Sunday.
Wednesday I'll have a CT scan to see what the cancer is looking like right now. Decisions will be made after that on what will be done next.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. ESV