It's been a year.

It's been a year since we started chemo, again and at times it seemed like ten years.  At other times it seemed to pass fairly quickly.  This past Tuesday was my last 'chemo' treatment and now I'm into follow-up mode.  So it will be six weeks before I go back and it's going to be a little strange not going to the Cancer Center every week.
Pam and I went to see another movie.  This time it was Jackie Chan in The Spy Next Door.  Not great but at least it was clean.  Probably a good "made for TV" movie but not a 'we're actually going to pay for this' kind of movie.  Anyway, we got our normal buttered and salted bag of popcorn.  And thanks to my wife's functioning brain (as opposed to mine) I took along a plastic glove to use.  It was great, for me, I was able to eat salted popcorn without pain.  For those who may not know my hands have splits and openings all over them because of the drugs they've been giving me and popcorn has been a painful experience.  The other side of the coin is this.....Pam and I were the only ones in the theater.  But where I sat it looked like 10 people were eating popcorn or more accurately missing their mouths.  So I had no pain but apparently the gloves messed with my aim or with what I could hold on to.
Remember, everyday is a gift.  How would our days be different if we acted like everyday was a gift?!?!
God is good all the time!!
jim

Romans 12:1 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life - and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.  (THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language)

Fifty one weeks down.

Fifty one weeks down and one to go. Next Tuesday is my last 'chemo' treatment and I am really ready to be done. My hands hurt from all the cracks and openings caused by the drug. I have about 20 on each hand. My face, chest and back are all broke out but it's a step up from acne. Also caused by the drug. The fatigue comes in waves and it is a constant battle to keep the diarrhea in check. I'm not meaning to complain just reporting that I am tired of it all and ready to be done. This has been a two year adventure for me and I really sympathize with those folks whose battles have been or are going on longer.
There is good news. The numbers from my last blood test look really good. Hopefully, prayerfully, they will stay that way.
Except for the 3 weeks they gave me to recover after liver surgery, I have been in a medical facility every week for a year. I am looking forward to six weeks of freedom.
One more treatment. The end of the tunnel is just around the bend.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 42:1-2 As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. ESV

Fifty weeks down...

Fifty weeks down and two to go. We will do two more weeks of 'chemo' and then we are done with the chemicals. Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!!! So on January 27th don't be surprised if you hear someone screaming with joy from his rooftop. I might even put on a red suit and see if I can snatch up the neighbors dog to be a reindeer (a month late but I'm pretty sure I won't care). The 26th will be the last treatment but I'm sure that I'll be too weak to get up on the roof. :O) After treatments are done we will do labs every 6 weeks for a few months. In April I will have another P.E.T. CT scan.
I can't see the end of the tunnel but I can see light.

Now we need to nail down a place to have a wedding.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Psalms 95:1-2 Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation! Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! ESV

Perspective

Most cancer patients don't really like what they have to go through in the battle against cancer. The chemicals, the side effects, the radiation, the constant checking of vitals, the continuous flow of doctors and nurses, the endless drain of money for the medical and the questions. Questions can be mind numbing and never ending. Questions from within: will I survive? is this enough? why me? do I have to be this sick? is this pain another cancer? Questions from without (from family & friends); what's next? how are you feeling? what is the doctor saying? will you survive? All good questions and sometimes there are actually answers. But more often than not the questions just lead to more questions. Don't stop being concerned and don't stop asking the questions. Just don't be surprised at the answer.
But having cancer can give an interesting perspective. When you come up against something that has a good chance of taking your life it affects your outlook. Most cancer patients have had to take a good hard look at death and some of the deeper questions. What's next? Am I ready to die? What will it look like when I do die? Will I be missed and/or will it matter that I'm gone? Those things that I have firmly believed to be true, are they? Questions that we tend to ignore until we are faced with the fatal. We probably shouldn't ignore these questions because none of us knows when our number will be called. But our tendency is to ignore the deeper questions.
Taking the time to deal with the deeper questions tends to give us a better (or at least different) perspective. Things that seem to matter in the everyday (someone cutting us off in traffic, someone stealing 'my' parking place, someone cutting in line, someone growling at us, - the list is almost unending) don't really matter in light of the eternal. Oh that we could hold onto that perspective everyday.

God is good all the time!!
jim

Col 3:2 Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ — that's where the action is. See things from his perspective. (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language)

2010 new and old

So 2010 just started what could possibly be old already?? One incomplete word -- -- chemo. If Mrs. Bender taught me to count correctly I have 4 weeks to go. The end of January will be one year and I will be more than happy to be done with the chemical portion of my treatment. I think that most of you will understand when I say that I was glad to see 2009 in my rear view mirror. Now to get this part done and move on.......
Beyond the year being new, my daughter just became engaged to be married to Donny. If you are their 'friends' you can check their Facebook status. :O)
So we look forward to 2010 being a year of planning, healing, expectations and changes.
God bless you in 2010!!
God is good all the time!!
jim

Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, ESV

Reminiscing

Tuedays, after the 'chemo' infusion, it usually takes me into the wee morning hours of Wednesday before I can shut it down and sleep. That is due to the steroid that they give me in pre-meds and to the current high powered drug of choice.
Staying up usually finds me on the computer and the internet 'catching up'. Tonight I have been 'catching up' with song writers and singers from the Jesus Movement. Anyone who knows me well knows that there were several singers and song writers from that time period (roughly the mid-60s through the mid-70s) who were influential in my growing relationship with Christ. The Jesus Movement was that time when concerts were more about ministry than about entertainment. What is amazing is how old some of these folks are. Here I am still fairly young and many of the Jesus Movement folks are in their 60s and 70s. I'm not sure how that happened. ;o) Here they are gray haired old farts and I'm a pretty young, uh, um gray haired old fart............. o.k. nevermind.
This is the time of year when we reminisce. If you have cancer and survived then you have wondered, 'why me?'. Why did I survive when _____ didn't? There are several from the Jesus Movement who have passed on. Several very talented people who have gone before. Keith Green, Mark Heard, Rich Mullins and Larry Norman just to name a few. And many close to my age. Beyond that there a number of people who die of cancer, almost everyday, who are younger than me. In the obituaries today there was a 42 year old husband and father who died of cancer on Christmas Eve. Not a very good Christmas present to his kids. I cannot answer the 'why' question. I do not claim to always understand the providence of God. But I am confident that He cares for us beyond our understanding and I am glad to be here.
God is good all the time!!
jim

Romans 11:33 Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! ESV

No Sharper, part 5

Our pastor referenced a song, this past Sunday, and I somehow feel it's my duty to share this with you. :O) How a song released in 1953 became an 'essential' part of Brian's Christmas I will not soon understand.
I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas is a Christmas novelty song written by John Rox (1902–1957) and performed by Gayla Peevey (10 years old at the time) in 1953. Peevey was a regional child star of the Oklahoma City area. When released nationally by Columbia Records, the song shot to the top of the charts and the city zoo acquired a baby hippo named Matilda. A popular legend holds that this 1953 hit had been recorded as a fund-raiser to bring the city zoo a hippo; but in a 2007 radio interview with Detroit-based WNIC radio station, Peevey clarified that the song was not originally recorded as a fundraiser. Instead, a local promoter picked up on the popularity of the song and Peevey's local roots, and launched a campaign to present her with an actual hippopotamus on Christmas. The campaign succeeded, and she was presented with an actual hippopotamus, which she donated to the city zoo. The hippopotamus lived for nearly 50 years. (that information is from Wikipedia -- so take it for what it's worth.)
I find it interesting that the lyrics are posted on the NIEHS website. The National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences found it necessary to post the words of the song with a midi so you can sing along. I don't know the official reason but it probably has something to do with not being able to get the song out of your head once you put it there. When Brian mentioned the song I remembered hearing it but I couldn't remember the tune. So, not being the sharpest knife in the drawer, I did a search and found it on YouTube. There is a reason that I forgot it. It's a cute little tune but once it gets stuck in your brain it won't go away. I love Brian but if you see me punch him this Sunday, you'll know why. The link is below so that you can share my pain.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtqIM_bPTws

The official word from Dr. Dugan is that we will be continuing the current drug of choice through the end of January. The end of January will be one year. He told me that one of his patients has taken this drug every week for 4 1/2 years. I can't imagine........

God is good all the time!!
jim

Job 40:15 Take a look at the hippopotamus! I made him, too, just as I made you! TLB